Losing focus

It’s so easy to lose focus. Spends hours in meaningless activities… without realising that I am wasting my life. And then, suddenly, sometimes, I wake up. Oftentimes, strangely… when I close my eyes to prayer. Or at least, that’s what I suddenly did right now. I was in the middle of mindless browsing. No, not the negative kind… just the generic kind… news reports… entertainment news, sports, design… all seemingly harmless and even educational. But after a long time… I was confronted by my distance from God. And as I returned to my theme this year… prayer… I sought out a book on prayer … and read a few phrases…

(from Richard Foster’s Prayer (16):
Dear Jesus, how desperately I need to learn to pray. And yet when
I am honest, I know that I often do not even want to pray.
I am distracted!
I am stubborn!
I am self-centered!
In your mercy, Jesus, bring my “want-er” more in line with my
“need-er” so that I can come to want what I need.
In your name and for your sake, I pray. —Amen.)

I wasn’t sure that my struggle was between wants and needs… it was more within focus and non-focus… keeping my eyes on God/Jesus and forgetting that I am his child, called to his purpose. Nevertheless that prayer helped me wake up… and turn back to God.

Now I know that “blogging” about it is counterproductive… because to get out of the grip of losing focus… to go more into computers… (ie. writing about it)… is a “synthetic” lifestyle… not always real. But within my current limitations… I felt trapped enough by the machine to express my feeling of being trapped within the machine.

I’m not able to escape my desire (want) for distraction… but I know that focus is what I need. Hmm… perhaps Foster’s first prayer is my prayer after all… Lord, let my focus on my own desire… become a focus on what I truly need. And I know, I truly need you right now. Lord I pray that I will meet you. Now. Right now. Full stop.

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Passage for this Season

Philippians 2:11-13 (NIV) (12)Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, (13)for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.

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